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Men & Women TOP TEN THINGS A MAN WOULD DO IF HE WOKE UP WITH A VAGINA FOR A DAY: 10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers 9. Squat over a hand held mirror for an hour and a half 8. See if they could finally do a split 7. See if it is truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet 6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch 5. Get picked up in a bar in less then 20 minutes before closing time 4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first 3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video 2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too... And the number one thing men would do if they woke up with a vagina? 1. Finally find that damn G-Spot TOP TEN THINGS THAT A WOMAN WOULD DO IF SHE WOKE UP WITH A PENIS FOR A DAY: 10. Get ahead faster in the corporate world 9. Get a blowjob 8. Find out what is so fasinating about beating the meat 7. Pee standing up while talking to another man at the urinal 6. Determine WHY you can't hit the bowl consistently 5. Find out what it is like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm 4. Touch/shift herself in public without thought as to how improper it might seem 3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks 2. Understand the scientific reason for the light refraction, which occurs between a man's eyes and the ruler situated next to his member, which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement And, the number one thing that a woman would do if she woke up with a penis? 1. Repeat #9 The Perfect Day According To… 8:45 - Wake up to hugs and kisses 9:00 - 5 pounds lighter on the scale 9:30 - Light breakfast 11:00 - Sunbathe 12:30 - Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe 1:45 - Shopping 2:30 - Run into boyfriend's/husband's ex - notice she's gained 30lbs. 3:00 - Facial, massage, nap 7:30 - Candlelight dinner for two and dancing 10:00 - Make love 11:30 - Pillow talk in his big strong arms HIM 10:00 - Wake up 10:02 - Oral sex 10:10 - Big Breakfast 11:30 - Drive up coast in Ferrari with gorgeous babe with big hooters 2:15 - Enormous lunch 3:15 - Oral sex 3:25 - Play sports with the guys 4:30 - Drink beer with the guys 6:30 - Meet Claudia Schiffer 6:40 - Oral sex with Claudia Schiffer 6:50 - Huge dinner, more beer 8:00 - Fall asleep in front of TV while receiving Oral Sex 11:00 - Full on, get down, gorilla sex 11:10 - Sleep 2:30 - Fart Things Woman and Men Would Never Say The Last Thing you would EVER hear a woman say..... 1. Could our relationship be more physical? I'm tired of just being friends. 2. Go ahead and leave the seat up, it's easier for me to douche that way. 3. I think hairy butts are really sexy. 4. Hey, get a whiff of that one. 5. Please don't throw that old t-shirt away, the holes in the armpit are just too cute. 6. This diamond is way too big. 7. I won't even put my lips on that thing unless I get to swallow. 8. Wow, it really is 14 inches! 9. Does this make my butt look too small? 10. I'm wrong, you must be right again. 11. I think belching is really sexy. 12. Sure, I'd love for us to have three-way sex with my best friend. 13. Why don't you go out with your friends to see the strippers tonight? 14. I could never be with any other man, but I don't mind at all if you see other women. 15. I insist that you always put your mother before me. 16. I think we should spend our life savings and buy a big, old bass boat. 17. Move over, I'm driving. I love city traffic. 18. The smell of oil and gas makes me horny. Let's do it on the workbench. 19. Let's skip that stage show with Mel Gibson and go watch the Tyson fight at a bar. 20. Hey, we didn't have sex last night! 21. That shirt doesn't smell bad enough to need washing. Wear it again today. 22. Your buddies tell the best stories. I could listen to them all day. 23. I understand. 24. You don't swear enough. 25. Let's stay at that dirty, old motel on the highway. It's cheaper and we can spend the money we save on beer. 26. Don't fix the toilet, I'll just keep going in the bushes outside. 27. Sure, you can wear your old cowboy boots at our wedding. They go with anything. 28. I think I'll call him up and ask him out. 29. I farted again. Lift the covers so we can smell it. 30. Don't dirty a knife or fork, eat with your hands like me. The Last Thing you would EVER hear a man say...... 1. I think Barry Manilow is one cool dude. 2 . While I'm up, can I get you a beer? 3. I think hairy butts are really sexy. 4. Her tits are just too big. 5. Sometimes I just want to be held. 6. That chick on "Murder, She Wrote" gives me a woody. 7. Sure I'd love to wear a condom. 8. We haven't been to the mall for ages, let's go shopping and I can hold your purse. 9. I think we are lost, we better pull over and ask for directions. 10. Hey look, there's a wool and fabric shop! Let's go buy something. 11. Honey, I'm going to the store, do you need more tampons? 12. What happened to my old Nancy Drew books? 13. Do these jeans come in lavender? 14. I love jogging dear, but I can't keep up with you. You go on ahead. 15. This shower curtain doesn't have enough frills on it. 16. Damn, too bad this car isn't a four cylinder. 17. My butt's too big, don't lie, it's true. My butt's too big. 18. I know you just blew me but I need a kiss. 19. I'm sick of beer, give me a fruit juice with a lemon twist. 20. Great, your mother's coming to stay with us again. 21. I wonder if my gorgeous neighbor knows that her drapes are open when she's getting ready for bed? Maybe I should tell her. 22. No way, you weeded the garden last week. It's my turn. 23. I understand. 24. This movie has too much nudity. 25. Damn these onions, pass me a tissue. 26. Over-sized t-shirts are so sexy, especially on really fat chicks. 27. Slow down, you move too fast. You've got to make the morning last. 28. It's late. Put your clothes back on and I'll take you home. 29. No I don't want another beer. I have to work tomorrow. 30. Hey, watermelon bathroom air-freshener pot-pourri. Let's get some! Men, Men, Men Men are like.....Laxatives. Men are like......Bananas. Men are like.....Vacations.
Men are like.....Weather. Men are like.....Blenders. Men are like.....Cement. Men are like.....Chocolate Bars. Men are like.....Coffee. Men are like.....Commercials. Men are like.....Department Stores. Men are like.....Government bonds. Men are like.....Horoscopes. Men are like.....Lawnmowers. Men are like.....Mascara. Men are like.....Popcorn. Men are like.....Snowstorms. Brandname Condoms Nike Condoms: Just do it. Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling. Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby. Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop. Mentos Condoms: The freshmaker. Flintstones Vitamins Condom Pack: Ten million strong and growing. Secret Condoms: Strong enough for a man, but pH balanced for a woman. Macintosh Condom: It does more, it costs less, it's that simple. Ford Condoms: The best never rest. Chevy Condoms: Like a rock. Dial Condoms: Aren't you glad you use it? Don't you wish everybody did? New York Lotto Condoms: Cause hey - you never know. California Lotto Condoms: Who's next? Avis Condoms: Trying harder than ever. KFC Condoms: Finger-Licking Good. Coca Cola Condoms: Always the Real Thing. Campbell's Soup Condoms: Mmm, mmm, good. General Electric Condoms: We bring good things to life! AT&T Condoms: Reach out and touch someone. Bounty Condoms: The quicker picker upper. Microsoft Condoms: Where do you want to go today? Energizer Condoms: It keeps going and going and going.... M&M condom: It melts in your mouth, not in your hands! Taco Bell Condoms: Get some; make a run for the border. MCI Condoms: For friends and family Doublemint Condoms: Double your pleasure, double your fun! The Sears latex condom: One coat is good for the entire winter. Delta Airlines Condoms travel pack: Delta is ready when you are. United Airlines Condoms travel pack: Fly United. The Star Trek Condom: To Boldly Go Where No Man Has Gone Before.
Girl
and a Computer A computer will accept a 3 1/2 inch floppy.
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