World's worst Pickup
Lines.
Dedicated to Ellora, the only person who found these
pickup lines amusing.
IS your father a thief? Cause he stole all the
stars from the sky, and put them in your eyes.
Baby,
I'm no Fred Flinstone, but I can make your Bedrock!
Do you want to see something swell?
Are you from Tennessee? Cuz you're the only ten I see!
Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.
I'd marry your cat just to get in the family.
Pardon me, Miss, I seem to have lost my phone number, can I borrow
yours?
Want to see my HARD DRIVE? I promise it isn't 3.5 inches and it ain't
floppy.
You make my software turn to hardware!
If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.
Hey baby, drop that zero and get with the hero. In other words, you
better come with me.
My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me anytime.
Is your name Pepsi? Cuz I've gotta have it!
Do you work for UPS? I could've sworn you were checking out my package.
They call me "coffee." I grind so fine.
Hey babe, can you suck start a Harley?
You must be Jamaican cuz cha makin' me crazy.
Your legs must be tired cuz you've been running through my mind all
night.
Is your name Daisy? Cuz I have a sudden urge to plant you right here!
You are just truly, absolutely beautiful! Can you cook and clean also?
I know a great way to burn off the calories of the pastry you just ate.
You look just like my mother.
I'm feeling a little off today. Would you like to turn me on?
I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?
Bond. James Bond.
Can I borrow a quarter? I want to call my mom and tell her I just met
the girl of my dreams.
OR
I want to call your mom and thank her.
Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.
Excuse me, but I think I just dropped something. MY JAW!!
Hello. I'm a thief and I'm here to steal your heart.
I'm sorry. Were you talking to me? (No.) Well, then please start.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
If you were a tear in my eye, I would not cry for fear of losing you.
I only have 3 months to live...
What's your sign?
What's your favorite position in extramarital sex?
You must be from Pearl Harbor cuz baby, you're DA BOMB!!
You're like a dictionary. You add meaning to my life.
(Uses index finger to call girl over) I made you come with one finger.
Imagine what I could do with my whole hand.
Girl: "Excuse me, do you have the time?" Guy: "Do you
have the energy?"
Do you know your hair and my pillow are perfectly color coordinated?
Excuse me, Miss, do you give head to strangers? (No.) Well, then allow
me to introduce myself.
Help the homeless. Take me home with you.
Hey baby, let's play house. You be the door and I'll slam you!!
Hi. My name is Milk. I'll do your body good.
I like your butt. Can I wear it as a hat?
If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut in your hole?
(Motions with finger for girl to come over) I knew if I fingered you
long enough you would cum.
There are 265 bones in the human body. How'd you like one more?
You're good at math, right? Is 69 a perfect square?
Can I walk through your bushes and climb your mountains?
Your daddy must be a baker cuz you got a nice set of buns!
Stand back, I'm a doctor. You go get the ambulence, I'll loosen her
clothes.
Want to taste my dick? (What?!) I said, "Do you want to taste my
drink?"
Did you clean your pants with windex? I can practically see myself in
them.
Should I call you in the morning or nudge you?
Do you know how to use a whip?
I'm a fortune teller and I could see you on my crystal balls.
Come sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up.
Hands out a phone card that says, "Smile if you want to sleep with
me," and watches as girl tries to suppress a laugh.
At the office copy machine: "Reproducing, eh? Can I help?"
Do you spit or swallow?
Nice dress. It would look nicer on the floor next to my bed.
If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?
That dress looks good on you, but I'd look better on you.
Fuck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Jennifer?
I'm Irish. Do you have any Irish in you? (No.) Would you like some?
Do I know you from somewhere? I don't recognize you with your clothes
on.
If your right leg was Christmas and your left leg was Easter, could I
meet you between the holidays?
I love every bone in your body, especially mine!
Is your father a thief? (No.) Then who stole the stars and put them in
your eyes?
How do you like your eggs? Poached, scrambled, or fertilized?
I was about to go masturbate, but I needed a name to go with your face.
You are so fine that I'd eat your shit just to see where it came from.
My love for you is like diarrhea. I just can't hold it in!
How about we play lion and lion tamer? You hold your mouth open and I'll
give you the meat!
Did it hurt? You know, when you fell from heaven.
Are those space pants? Cuz your ass is lookin' outta this world!
If good looks were doggie doodie, then you'd be da shitz!
Your daddy must be a drug dealer cuz you're DOPE!
Looks at tag on girl's sweater. When asked what he's doing, says,
"I wanted to know if you were really made in heaven."
You must be a lumberjack because you're giving me wood!
Do you carry magnets in your pocket, because I'm attracted to you.
Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I?
I lost my teddy bear. Will you sleep with me?
Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.
My name is ______(name). That's so you know what to scream later.
The word of the day is "legs." Let's go to my place and spread
the word.
Wanna play army/war? I'll lay down and you blow the fuck outta me!
Love is a sensation; caused by a temptation; to feel penetration; a guy
sticks his location; in a girl's destination; to increase population;
for the next generation; do you get my explanation; or do you need a
demonstration?
Are you free tonight or will it cost me?
Here's a quarter. Call your roommate and tell her you won't be coming
home tonight.
Hi. Are you legal?
I think I could fall madly in bed with you.
That shirt's very becoming on you. Then again, if I were on you, I'd be
cumming, too.
Hey, I'm looking for treasure. Can I look around your chest?
I've been a bad, bad boy, so spank me!
Um...I need help with my Calculus. Can you integrate my natural log?
Excuse me, do you have a library? Because I would like to check you out.
You must be a parking ticket cuz you got FINE written all over you.
Your body's VISA. It's everywhere I want to be.
All those curves and me with no brakes!
(Grabs her ass) Pardon me, is this seat taken?
My friend over there wants to know if you'll give ME your number.
Do you have a license...to drive me crazy?
If your right leg was Halloween and your left leg was Christmas, can I
eat the Thanksgiving dinner in the middle?
Do you have any raisins? How about a date?
Nice outfit. Can I talk you out of it?
Am I a light switch? Because you have been turning me on all day!
Hey, baby. If I flip a coin, what are my chances of getting head?
Excuse me, I think you have something of mine. My heart!!
If you were homework I would do you.
Your head is so pretty, but it would look better if you gave it to me.
If you were a scab I would not pick you for fear of losing you.
Are those shoulder blades or wings?
Do you think God would be angry if I married one of his angels?
I'd like to mount you like a stuffed deer.
Baby, you're the shit and I'm the fly all over you!
My parents are out for the night. Can you babysit me?
Pulls out car key and proceeds to place it on girl's arm and turn it.
When asked what he's doing, replies "I'm trying to turn you
on."
Excuse me, do you know what smiles, winks, and fucks like a tiger?
(Smiles and winks)
(Touches girl's chest) Oh, I'm sorry. I thought that was a braille name
tag.
Are you hot? Well, you sure are making me sweat!
Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?
Excuse me, my friend over there wants to know if you think I am cute.
Hey baby, you look young but my dick can't tell.
Somebody stole my bed. Do you mind if I sleep in yours with you tonight?
You smell like a jolly rancher. Why don't you unwrap yourself so I can
suck on you?
Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?
Will you be my love buffet so I can lay you on the table and take what I
want?
Hi. Can I stick my DISK in your CPU?
Holds out a screw and says, "Wanna screw?"
I would send you a rose, but you can just look in the mirror and see one
for yourself.
If I could do anything to the alphabet, I'd put my dick in U.
I'm sure you've heard the expression that all men think with their
dicks. Well, you want a piece of my mind?
Let's pretend that your left leg is Thanksgiving and your right leg is
Christmas. Can I cum between the holidays?
You have pretty eyeballs. Of course, they'd be better if they were
eyeing my pretty balls.
You must play the trumpet cuz you're making me horny.
Baby, you're so fine, I want to pour milk all over you and make you a
part of my complete breakfast.
Nice legs. What time do they open?
Let's go back to my place and do some math. Add the bed, subtract our
clothes, divide your legs, and multiply.
Is your name Gillette? Cuz you're the best a man can get!
Playing doctor is for little kids. Let's play gynocologist.
You must be a chicken farmer cuz you are awfully good at raising cocks.
Is your dad a farmer? Cuz you have big melons!
Is it just YOU or is it hot in here?
Girl, I wanna make like Winnie the Pooh and stick my nose in your honey
jar.
I'm cold. Can I use your thighs as earmuffs?
Hey, I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one
talking to you.
Let's play ice cream cone. I'll lick and you melt, or you lick and I'll
melt.
Do you have a mirror in your pocket? I can practically see myself in
your pants.
If I followed you home, would you keep me?
(Spills drink on girl's shirt) Let's go home and get you out of these
wet clothes.
Is that a keg in your pants? Cuz I'd love to tap that ass!
Fuck me if I'm wrong, but I think you want to kiss me.
If you were an M&M, would you rather melt in my mouth or hand?
I desire you like the prize at the bottom of a cracker jack box.
What's your sign? Caution; Slippery When Wet; Dangerous Curves Ahead; or
Yield?
Hey cutie, wanna play carnival? You sit on my face and I guess your
weight.
I think I've had a little too much to drink tonight because you're
starting to look pretty good.
Looks up at the sky at night and says, "I'd give anything to touch
your anus (Uranus)."
Have I died and gone to heaven? You look like an angel.
You are under arrest for robbery. You stole my heart.
I'm a pickup truck. Wanna ride me?
Heat up your buns, baby, cuz my sausage is ready to order in!
I didn't think angels exist, but I'm talking to one now.
Call me but if another chick answers, hang up.
Pretend I'm a baby. You can nurse me all night long.
You have nice cheeks, and by that I mean butt cheeks.
Before you dress, can I caress you?
I'm bread and you're butter. Can I spread you?
If you were a new car, can I test drive you?
I'm on fire. Can you blow me out?
I know milk does a body good but damn, how much have you been drinking?
My face is leaving in ten minutes. Be on it!
Hi. I'm Burger King. I'll let you have it your way right away.
Got a soggy bun for a lonely weenie?
I'll give you a dollar if you give me your name and phone number.
Are you Greek? (No.) Oh my bad. I thought all goddesses were Greek.
Do you work for Kodak? Cuz you're really well developed.
Is your name Beverly? Cuz you got some nice, expensive hills.
Hi. My name is Pogo. Want to jump on my stick?
God must have spent a little more time on you.
After one night with me you'll need a 12-step program to get over your
addiction.
So...when are we gonna get together?
What are you doing tomorrow night? How about me?
(If she says yes) Shall we dine in or shall I eat out?
Girl: What are you doing tonight?
Guy: You, if I'm lucky.
Hey, can I call you Jean-Claude? Cuz Van Damme you're fine!
Do you like chips? Cuz I'm Frito Lay.
Hi. I'm single. I mean, I'm ______(name).
You look like the girl in my dream. Will you come to my bed and make the
dream come true?
I hope you know CPR because you take my breath away.
If you come with me I'll show you that no mission or position is
impossible.
Can you touch me so I can say I was touched by an angel?
Since I'm gonna be famous, why don't you fuck me now and brag about it
later?
Is your name Candy? Cuz you're so sweet!
Your dad must be a potato cuz your eyes are beautiful.
Let's go back to my place for pizza and a fuck. (slap) What, you don't
like pizza?!
Baby, my dick is only 2 inches......from the ground.
I have more money than you can spend.
What would you do if I kissed you right now?
So, how about a night of hot, passionate sex?
(Sings) I wanna sex you up.
I've got a blue toothbrush, and you?
I feel like Richard Gere standing here beside a pretty woman.
Baby, you're all that and a bag of chips. By any chance are you Frito
Lay?
u
know, most of the shirts ive seen on u r really nice, and they would
look great on my floor!